If I Die (Soul Screamers #5) by Rachel Vincent

“I’m not supposed to feel the fire. I’m not supposed to want it. But I do. I want you, Kaylee like I’ve never wanted anything. Ever. I want the fire. I want the heat, and the light, and I want the burn.” 

The entire school’s talking about the gorgeous new math teacher, Mr. Beck. Everyone except Kaylee Cavanaugh. After all, Kaylee’s no ordinary high-school junior. She’s a banshee—she screams when someone dies. 

But the next scream might be for Kaylee. 

Yeah—it’s a shock to her, too. So to distract herself, Kaylee’s going to save every girl in school. Because that hot new teacher is really an incubus who feeds on the desire of unsuspecting students. The only girls immune to his lure are Kaylee and Sabine, her boyfriend’s needy ex-girlfriend. Now the unlikely allies have to get rid of Mr. Beck…before he discovers they aren’t quite human, either. 

But Kaylee’s borrowed lifeline is nearing its end. And those who care about her will do anything to save her life. 

Personal Thoughts:

The first thing I notice in this book is the title, If I Die which breaks the pattern of the previous books of the series that all start with “My Soul To”, (My Soul To Lose, My Soul to Take, My Soul to Save, My Soul to Keep and My Soul to Steal). So why this fifth book doesn’t follow the same formula? Well, aside from the fact that the title If I Die perfectly describes the whole story, wherein Kaylee is facing her limited borrowed time, If I Die also tend to break the rules. Not just the title but the story itself. Rachel Vincent put everything in a different level, from her characters to the conflicts, and relationships. This is the game changing part of the series, everything you know and you expect will take a different twist and turns.

Even with Kaylee’s limited time there are so many things happening in the story. From Kaylee’s impending death, to the mystery of the new professor in their school, to Nash and Kaylee’s relationship issue. Every page is essential to the story and you can’t help but stuck yourself reading from start to end.

I really like how Rachel Vincent crafted her characters in this series. They were the kind of characters that just grow in you as you read. It is easy to care for all of them even the one you are not supposed to care. They are far from perfect, they make mistakes and do stupid things but you will never hate them because no matter how bad they perform you still care for them.

“I think it doesn’t hurt to let someone else do the rescuing every now and then, when your own armor starts to get banged up.”

Nash is so good in book one (My Soul To Take), and book two doesn’t give me anything to be against him but when I reached the third book I am so pissed with him. In book four he gets my sympathy back for trying to be clean for Kaylee and for wanting Kaylee back as if he can’t really live without her. In this book, I just don’t know what to do with him anymore. I feel sorry for him at one point but I also dislike some of the things he did. But in the end as much as I want to hate him I still want him to be happy whether he end up with Kaylee or not.

Finally Tod got the spotlight. I’ve been waiting for him to be on center stage since book one. This guy is really spot on everytime he appears in the story. If I Die give him the attention he surely deserves. In here Tod is not just the sarcastic, witty and annoyingly charming reaper, he also show his soft side. He shows a lot of emotions and you can’t help but love him more and more.

Kaylee finally knew how Tod feel for her. Though I expected this to happen since book one, I still can’t say that I’m prepared. In fact I think I am not prepared at all, even how obvious it is with all the hints from book four, My Soul To Steal. When I’m reading it from this book, I got a mix feeling. Because as much as I like Tod I don’t want him to be the cause of someone else heartbreak. Like what I said in my review for the first book, My Soul To Take, I want Tod to be the selfless one. I want him to get his happiness without hurting someone he loves.

“You’re not pulling the trigger. But you’re not taking the gun away, either.”

This is really a roller coaster ride for me. At one point I’m cheering for one character then the next I’m cheering the other side. Why they can’t belong in the same team and save my sanity for good. Since book one, I already pick my side. But I choose my side base on the character alone and not as a love team to anyone. So when this book put my chosen character in a battle I can’t help but cheer for him but as much as I want him to win I also don’t want to see his opponent suffer. It’s not that I can’t make up my mind, it is just that I care for all of them that I don’t want any of them to get hurt.

Every actions and decisions they make I go along with them. I feel the tension around these characters. I feel their heartache, confusions and even their delusions. So when Rachel Vincent  put them in this crazy hell ride of personal conflicts I swim to the dept of emotions and almost lost every ounce of oxygen in my lungs to survive.

Filled with humour, heartache, frustration and hope, If I Die is an emotional thrill-ride read. An achingly beautiful addition to the Soul Screamers series. I am really amazed by how Rachel Vincent develop this series, every new addition surpass the level of the previous book. Just when you thought you already read the best you’ll be surprise by the next. As I said this book is the game changing part of the series, it’s like a new series were born out of the big twist that Rachel Vincent delivered. It makes the Soul Screamers more exciting and edgier. I’m really looking forward to the next book, Before I Wake.