I love poems. I love reading them and writing my own. Poetry become part of my life since I was a kid when my older brother is too talented to write his own and even add some melody to it. I admit, I look up to my brother so much when I was a kid (and up till now) that I almost copy every talent he has. But sad to admit I always fell behind. I can’t play any single musical instrument unlike him who can pick up and play almost anything with his talented hands. I pretty s*ck at music but it doesn’t mean I can’t write some lyrics right? So yeah poetry become my thing while my brother and his band were recording his songs in studio. I know I sounds like a jealous sibling right now but honestly I am just really proud of him. I am always proud of him even it means I am not the best. So yeah, back to poetry, I used to collect poetry books & even clippings when I was a kid. I started writing verses and rhymes when I was in high school which I usually give to my friend as part of gifts or letters. There are notebooks full of my writings & compositions that I gifted to my best friend. I’m not sure if she still has it, though. I wish she still keep them even how many times she moved and changed places. It would be lovely to read those stuffs again one day and reminisce the story behind those written words.
The first blog I created back in 2002 where Friendster is still a trend is a poetry blog. Too bad I wasn’t able to salvage all my works in there. Even this site, blackplume was originally intended for my poetry writings. I used to call this site my literary blog before it became a book blog. Most of my poetry compositions were written not in English though, that’s why I rarely post them in here. I think I am most comfortable writing in my native language, Tagalog. There are few composition that make it to this blog but mostly just random stuff I made. You can check them under “Poetry” category if you like.
I’m not sure how others take my poetry. Most of my friends said they never really understand my works. As if I talk alien when I write poems. Which sometimes I translate as “they don’t appreciate”. I don’t really think ahead of what other might thought about my composition. In fact I am completely satisfied and much happy if no one really reads my works. At least by that I know no one will judge me or my writing. I always think that my poems are just for me. A way to express my thoughts and feelings when no one else is available to listen. It’s like my kind of diary but you need to slice the layers between the words to really know the meaning behind them. Even the words are too easy to understand they don’t always mean the same thing. Like lately most of my compositions talked about love, which is so easy to interpret as either I’m in a relationship, just got out of one, or in between. But honestly I am not in any relationship. Not everything I’ve written is all about me, and even if it is about me, it doesn’t explicitly tell my story or at least not all of it.
But I have to admit, it is easier for me to write in verses and rhymes when I am down. Words flow easily when I am in pain, confused, or just simply lost. One of my outlet when my emotions were too high is my writing. That’s why when you read my previous works it is easy to see the pain and confusion behind the words. But more than those negative emotions, those poems gives me relief when I am writing them. They become my anchor when the storm is too strong for me to navigate my sails. They are my eye-opening when my eyes are too blurry with tears to see the truth. They are my reminders that somehow I get pass all the troubles and pain and that I can always make it to the next phase. They become my adviser, my friend, and my solace.
Poems are more than just empty words or rhyming lines. Sometimes they carry more than what a reader can understand. Most of the time it express a deeper truth, holds raw emotions and capture the soul of the writer. It has its own pulse that beats reality, hopes and dreams.