water flows down again from your skinny face,
and seeing them now makes me feel helpless,
especially since I caused it in the first place.

I am sorry; sometimes I forget about your condition,
and I’m still not used to all these shifts around us

you used to be the stronger one,
the fighter, the brave, the one we all turned to for help

I’m still trying to fit myself into this new role,
and no amount of training can prepare me for it,
but I have no choice but to give my best

sometimes I wish you could guide me like you used to,
but I know you’ve already done your part,
and I can only hope I’ve learned enough to make you proud

sometimes I wish I could be the hero you are to me,
to save you from all the pain and worries,
but I know no one can replace you,
and all I can do is be strong for you


you are the toughest person I know
also the smartest one
just two of the million reasons
why I am so proud to call you mom
this recent battle you are in
is just another test from above
to prove how strong
and brave you really are

your doctors cannot believe
how you manage to survive
though it is not without a scratch
but it is truly a miracle one
they say you need operations
open your skull and check your head
as if you are just one of those experiments
they wanted to see your brain

but with your stubbornness
the sharp knife manage to stay away
then the battle continues
beyond the hospital bed
now itchiness is your new companion
something no medicines, nor ointments can cure
because according to you specialist
they are just inside your head

parts of your body doesn’t even respond
they are as stubborn as you are
no matter how much you ask and plead
to your brain to make them move
they don’t take the commands,
not the pleads, and not the threats
your orders and wishes
are nothing to them anymore

we may not physically feel
all your struggles and frustrations
but know we are tying our best
to be more patient, loving and helpful
we are here to share our strength
and help you win this war
we promise to pick you up
when you are stuck on the ground

this battle you are currently in
is not for you to face alone
we are always on your side
fighting together your demons
if only we can take the pains,
all your struggles and your frustrations
we will carry them all for you
no need for you to ask us to

Blog Tour: This Heart of Mine by C.C. Hunter (Review)

“Don’t do anything you know you’ll regret. But do enough to know exactly what you’ll regret and learn to regret less.”

A new heart saved her life—but will it help her find out what really happened to its donor?

Seventeen-year-old Leah MacKenzie is heartless. An artificial heart in a backpack is keeping her alive. However, this route only offers her a few years. And with her rare blood type, a transplant isn’t likely. Living like you are dying isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But when a heart becomes available, she’s given a second chance at life. Except Leah discovers who the donor was — a boy from her school — and they’re saying he killed himself. Plagued with dreams since the transplant, she realizes she may hold the clues to what really happened.

Matt refuses to believe his twin killed himself. When Leah seeks him out, he learns they are both having similar dreams and he’s certain it means something. While unraveling the secrets of his brother’s final moments, Leah and Matt find each other, and a love they are terrified to lose. But life and even new hearts don’t come with guarantees. Who knew living, took more courage than dying?

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Personal Thoughts:

This Heart of Mine is a genuine portrayal of life of a teengage girl living with chronic illness with a dose of mystery.

Leah McKenzie’s heart failed due to virus that caused Myocarditis, so she has an external mechanical heart to keep her alive while waiting for a heart that will match her. But with her rare blood type, Leah is not very optimistic in getting a transplant soon.

Matt Kenner has lost his twin brother, Eric after declared brain-dead due to the gunshot in the head. Eric’s heart match to Leah’s need, so she received a new heart the same day Eric’s died. Leah knew Matt and Eric, they attend the same school and live in the same town, and after realizing that she has Eric’ heart, she can’t help but think that Eric is gone and she is alive because of it.

The police ruled Eric’s case as suicide, but Matt doesn’t believe it. He knows his twin brother very well, and he can’t accept that Eric will take his own life. When Matt and Leah finally able to catch up with each other, they learned that they’ve been having the same dreams lately, and it’s all about Eric. Like Eric is telling them something about his death. The two then try to find out what actually happened that night Eric died, hoping to bring justice for Eric.

Told in alternating views between Leah’s first person and Matt’s third person narrative, This Heart of Mine offers story of griefs; from Leah and her family who is dealing with Leah’s condition, to Matt and his mother’s grief after losing not only Eric but also Matt’s Dad, and also those friends who are somehow connected to those who are gone like Eric.

Aside from dealing with griefs, and the mystery of Eric’s death, and more than the romance between Eric and Leah, the story also reminds readers how important it is to live in the moment and take chances in life. With Leah’s condition, Leah doesn’t know how long she has to live. Even with the new heart, there’s still the possibility that her body will reject it. And Leah learn to accept that the hard way. She learns to appreciate whatever time she got and try to live her life as normal as possible. She seize the moment, try to be brave and be happy with her life even with her condition.

“Don’t be afraid to take a chance. Win or lose. That’s what life is, a bunch of chances.”

C.C. Hunter successfully delivered a heart-warming story with a touch of mystery in this first contemporary novel of her.

A story with a heart.

* This review is based on an eGalley I received courtesy of the publisher, MacMillan in exchange of honest opinion about the book.